Sometimes It Hurts Instead
by a-lovely-young-lady
Summary: AU: After Damon betrays Bonnie in the most unspeakable of ways, she flees Mystic Falls, taking a secret with her. A full year of searching later, Damon finally finds her. His sudden reappearance will make her question all of the choices that she has made over the past 12 months regarding their future-can they ever truly be over?
1. Prologue

**I know that I shouldn't be starting a new fic, I can't even guarantee that I will update, but this is a little AU thing that I started about a year or two ago and I wanted to see you guys' reaction to it. Enjoy :)**

**Prologue**

Bonnie stumbled into the boarding house, tears streaming down her face and streaking down her cheeks, blurring her vision.

'Damon.' She sobbed, stumbling towards the stairs on her quest to find her boyfriend. Her hands clutched her slightly swollen abdomen as she practically fell up the stairs.

'Bonnie?' She let out a loud, heartbroken sob as she turned and stumbled down the stairs into the arms of Stefan Salvatore who had just entered the house. His eyes were wide with worry as he stroked her back. 'What's wrong?' His voice was laced with concern for his brother's girlfriend who had become like a sister to him.

'I…I need…Damon, Stefan I…need Damon, please.' She was weeping uncontrollably as she broke down in his arms. He rubbed her back, attempting to soothe her.

'Ssssh, Bon, its okay, we'll find him, we'll get Damon.' He led her gently upstairs as her tears began to subside. 'Bonnie, you can tell me what's going on, you know. I'm here for you.' She shook her head, her chest constricting as she thought back to her predicament.

'Stefan, please, I can't…' He nodded reassuringly as he continued to lead her up the stairs. They quickly made their way to Damon's room, where a pair of voices were barely audible. Bonnie reached for the door handle when Stefan grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand back. She stared up at him in confusion and saw his face was strained with concentration as he appeared to be listening to what was going on.

Suddenly, a flash of rage crossed his face and he flung the door open to reveal Elena and Damon, her almost sister and the love of her life, lying half naked on his bed, their lips locked as they frantically tore at the remaining clothes covering the other's skin. Bonnie felt her heart crack and shatter as they pulled away from each other and looked towards the door where she stood alongside Stefan.

'Bonnie-' Damon whispered, guilt filling his eyes as he observed his girlfriend, her jaw slack with shock and her face pale. Stefan let out a feral growl and lunged for his brother, pinning him to the floor and, with all his vampiric strength, throwing punch after punch into his older brother's face. Elena shrieked and yelled for Stefan to stop, for Bonnie to help Damon, for Damon to push him away. No one paid any heed to her hysterical pleas. Stefan continued to viciously attack his brother whilst Damon lay limply beneath him, putting up no kind of resistance and Bonnie stood shell-shocked in the door way.

'Stefan.' She finally managed to whisper hoarsely. It was faint, Stefan was barely able to hear her even using his enhanced hearing, but it was enough. The brokenness of her voice was what propelled him away from his brother and over to Bonnie in order to pull her into a tight hug. He turned back to his brother who was lying on the floor, his wounds healing and his ex-girlfriend who was sitting on her haunches atop of the bed, tears streaming down her pale cheeks as she watched Stefan with unrestrained fear etched across her features.

'I hope you're both very happy together.' He spat out with disgust.

'Stefan, wait! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen.' She turned to Bonnie, the sight of her looking so lost breaking her heart further. 'Bonnie, you have to believe me, I never meant for this to happen, I'm so sorry.' Bonnie stared at Damon, unresponsive as she watched the man she loved push himself up from the floor, his eyes never once leaving her.

'Bon, we have to leave.' Stefan gently pulled on her arm as he attempted to pull her away from the door.

'NO!' Damon screamed and sped towards them. He was so close, he just needed to cross over the doorway, when all of a sudden, he hit an invisible wall and was thrown backwards. He was on his feet in an instant, back to the open door, desperately trying to get past the obstacle. He knew that his efforts were futile, that the message behind Bonnie's actions was clear – she did not want to be near him. 'Bonnie, please.' She looked at him blankly, her face expressionless as though she were no longer seeing him, but rather straight through him, before turning and walking away. His desperate shouts and implorations for her to turn and listen to him fell on deaf ears as she rounded a corner and descended gracefully down the stairs. Anger, defeat and anguish settled on him and so he did the only thing that he could think of. He turned and ripped furniture up, throwing each item against a wall, he pulled the sheets from his bed and shredded them with his hands, tossing their remnants around his dishevelled room and he threw the picture of himself and Bonnie at the invisible wall holding him prisoner within his room. It bounced off of it and fell to the ground, the glass smashing as it hit the floor. He sank down to the floor and surveying the damage, began to cry. The carnage in his room only did well to duplicate the state of his heart.

**A/N: soooo...yay or nay? feedback is much appreciated**


	2. Another Shot of Whiskey

'Bon?! Bonnie, open the door, please, it's Caroline!' Bonnie wordlessly rose from her seat in the living room and went to open the door. The second that she removed the barricade between her and her blonde friend, she was in her house, pulling Bonnie into a hug. 'Oh, Bonnie, I was so worried about you, you haven't been answering any of my calls or my texts and I thought that you had been kidnapped or killed or something!' Caroline was too busy ranting to notice the impassive expression on her best friend's face. '…and Elena was totally freaking out yesterday when she came over, she wouldn't stop crying and she kept saying how you and Stefan hated her and I totally didn't…get…it.' Caroline slowed to a stop as she realised that Bonnie had walked away from her as soon as Elena was mentioned. 'Bonnie, what's wrong?' she inquired as she followed her friend into the house. It was only then that she noticed the way that Bonnie seemed to shrink in on herself. 'Bon?'

'He cheated on me. Damon. He cheated on me.' Bonnie whispered, her voice still containing a tone of disbelief. Caroline sat shocked for a moment before she was consumed with unadulterated rage. She sprang to her feet.

'That ASSHOLE! I'm gonna kill him, I swear.' She made to go to the door when Bonnie's voice halted her once again.

'He cheated with Elena.' Caroline turned slowly, her unbeating heart stopping all over again.

'What?' she whispered, utter incredulity written across her face. 'Bonnie, what did you just say?'

'Damon and Elena were sneaking around behind mine and Stefan's backs.' Bonnie took a deep, shaky breath and looked up into Caroline's wide eyes. 'That's not even the worst part.' Caroline held up her hand, interrupting Bonnie.

'Elena Gilbert, our best friend, had sex with Damon Salvatore, your boyfriend and her boyfriend's brother? Please tell me this is a sick joke.' Bonnie shut her eyes briefly before looking at her best friend with a heartbroken expression etched across her face. 'Oh my gosh.' Caroline's hand flew to cover her mouth and her eyes widened to the point where Bonnie thought they would fall right out of her head. 'Oh my gosh. Bonnie…oh my gosh!' Bonnie attempted to smile but she couldn't muster up the energy and so settled for staring blankly at her friend. The doorbell ringing interrupted their conversation and Bonnie froze, her terrified eyes flickering to the door. A series of timid knocks followed and then silence.

'Bonnie?' Elena's strained voice floated softly through the door and Bonnie stiffened further. Caroline's face grew dark and furious.

'Oh no she didn't.' She sprang to her feet and stalked over to the door, flinging it open to come face to face with her now ex-friend. 'How dare you, Elena. How dare you show your face here after what you did.' Elena's face fell and tears filled her eyes. 'And you can stop with the crying, 'cause it don't mean shit to me.' She quickly wiped her eyes and attempted to put on a brave face, although it was clear to see the sorrow behind her mask. Her lips trembled with the effort of holding back her tears as she spoke.

'I need to speak to Bonnie, Caroline. Please.' Caroline snorted and planted her feet that much wider in the doorway.

'If you think that I'm letting you anywhere near her, you really are more deluded than I gave you credit for. Stay away from her, Elena, or I won't be held accountable for what I'll do to you.' With that, Caroline slammed the door in her face and turned to go back and comfort her best friend. Bonnie was lying face down on the couch, her back shaking with the force of her tears. Caroline moved closer to her, sitting beside her on the floor and wrapping her arms around her as best as she could in their position. "Bonnie, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Eventually, her breathing evened out and Caroline knew that she had fallen asleep. Standing quietly, she made her way to the front door, stepping outside and pulling her phone out of her pocket. She hit the 3 on her speed dial (the first two being Tyler and Bonnie) and waited for the call to connect.

"_You've reached Stefan Salvatore's phone. I'm not here right now, so leave a message and I might get back to you." _

"Hey, Stefan, it's me. I just heard about what happened and I just…just, please call me back. Bonnie's falling apart and I know how much you loved El-_her_, so I'm worried and, just please call me as soon as you get this so I know you're okay." Caroline hung up the phone and took a few deep breaths, tossing the phone between her hands before turning and walking back into the house. She froze in the doorframe as she took in the scene before her.

Bonnie was lugging an overstuffed bag down the stairs, her clothes spilling out of it as she lugged it behind her.

"Bon, what are you doing?" Caroline's voice was gentled as she eased inside the house and gently shut the door, moving slowly as if Bonnie were a volatile animal who would scare and lash out at her at any second.

"I can't stay here, Caroline. Not with…_them_ living in the same town as me. I just I can't do it." Bonnie raked her hand through her hair, her eyes wide as they darted around the room, scanning for any important items that she may have overlooked. Caroline stepped into her path, bending slightly at the knees to catch her eye.

"Bon, you're not thinking straight right now. You just caught your boyfriend and best friend in bed together and you're acting irrationally. Just-take a minute to consider this."

"_I have considered this, Care! _But every time I close my eyes, I see them together or I hear his voice telling me how sorry he is and I feel _sick!_ I gave him everything and it still wasn't enough. I'm still _not enough_." Bonnie slid to the floor, her arms wrapped around her waist as she began to sob. "Why wasn't I enough for him?" Caroline wrapped Bonnie up in her arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Because he's an idiot and he wouldn't know a good thing if it came and slapped him across the face." Bonnie laughed, the sound muffled by Caroline's chest. She pulled away and swiped a hand across her cheeks.

"I have to do this, Care. For the sake of my sanity, I can't stay here." Caroline sighed, crossing her ankles over one another.

"Fine. But I'm coming with you. And we need to tell Matt, in case he wants to come too. And Tyler, I need to tell Tyler." Bonnie smiled, wrapping her arms around her friend.

"Thank you for understanding. I love you, Care-bear."

"Love you too, Bon-bon."

* * *

Stefan downed another glass of whiskey. He had been sat in this seedy bar, two towns over from Mystic Falls, trying to get drunk for at least 5 hours now, but the watered down liquid wasn't even strong enough to make him tipsy. He growled, slamming the glass on the surface before him and beckoning to the bartender. The man came towards him, using a grimy dishtowel to wipe the inside of a grimy glass cup.

"What else can I get you, man?" Stefan locked eyes with him, allowing his powers of compulsion to encompass the man's mind and hold him in place.

"You're going to go into the back of your bar and you're going to serve me some real alcohol, not this cheap shit that you've been overcharging me for all night. And it's going to be completely free, you understand?" The man nodded mindlessly and turned to follow Stefan's orders. Turning back to his near empty glass, he swirled the remnants of his drink around in the bottom, his thoughts elsewhere. His phone buzzing beside him brought him out of his stupor. The name of the caller ID caused his grip to tighten on the glass, to the point where he almost crushed the object in his hand.

Elena. _Unbelievable._

Even after everything that she had done, she didn't have the decency to give him the space that he needed to deal with her betrayal. Scoffing, he snatched up his phone and hit the 'End Call' button. She could go and rot in hell for all he cared. Dropping it carelessly back onto the bar, he glanced up as the bartender returned, placing a bottle of Johnnie Walker; Blue Label in front of him. Stefan smirked.

"Now, this is more like it." Popping the cap, he swigged straight from the bottle, immediately feeling the drink taking effect. He stood to his feet, saluting the bartender as he stumbled to the door-_maybe that cheap stuff had affected him more than he had first thought._ He made his way to the parking lot, scanning the darkness for his car as he continued to sip straight from the bottle. His phone vibrated against his leg and he rolled his eyes as he stuck his hand into his pocket, determined to give Elena a piece of his mind. Whipping the phone out of his pocket, he was just about to answer and yell at Elena to back off of him when he saw that it wasn't her calling at all. It was Bonnie, the only other victim in all of this. He hesitated, not sure if he was ready to talk to her yet, embarrassed by the way that he had handled discovering the affair and reluctant to have to comfort someone else when he, himself, was hurting so intensely. However, he knew that he couldn't avoid her forever and that it would be easier for the two of them to lean on each other if he would just speak to her. Making up his mind, he answered the call.

"Stefan?" Silence. He couldn't speak, his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth as her voice brought back all of the images and emotions that he had been trying to suppress. "Stefan?" Her voice had softened, as gentle as a caress against his face. His heavy breathing was the only indication that he was there. "I'm leaving, Stefan. Caroline, Tyler, Matt and I are going to New York; Tyler's parents bought him an apartment there when he got into college, and…I want you to come too. I want you there, I want…I want to try and heal and I…I _need _you to help me, just like I think you need me to help you."

Still no reply.

"We're leaving in the next two hours, so…meet us at my house if you don't want to be alone. If you don't come…I'll understand." Stefan felt his hear wrench at the pain in her voice; it was near palpable.

"It will be okay, Stef. I love you." He let out a broken sob before he hung up the phone, crushing it in the palm of his hand.

* * *

It had been exactly two hours since she had called Stefan. Bonnie glanced at the clock one last time, hesitating as she picked up her bag. She had delayed enough and her travel buddies were starting to get antsy.

_He wasn't coming._

Bonnie frowned as Tyler honked on the horn again.

"Bonnie! Let's go, come on!" Frowning deeply, Bonnie slung the strap of her bag over her shoulder, picking up the smaller case in her right hand; it was pitiful how few things she owned. Placing a hand-written note to her father on the kitchen counter, she took one last look around her home, taking it all in for the last time. She slowly made her way to the front door, head bowed, and stepped outside, locking it behind her. As she turned, she came face-to-face with a broad chest. Her heart stalled and her eyes shot upwards to look at the face of the person so close to her.

_Stefan._

He smiled.

"You're right, I…I can't stay here. Not with them and _definitely _not if you're leaving and taking all of our friends with you." Tears filled Bonnie's eyes as she dropped her suitcase, flinging her arms around Stefan's neck as he murmured soothing words into her hair.

"I thought you weren't coming. I thought that you'd never want to see me again." She sobbed into his chest, cursing herself for crying again. _Damn hormones_. Stefan pulled back, wiping her cheeks.

"Of course I'd want to see you, you're like my baby sister." She flashed him a watery smile and he bent to pick up her bags, carrying them easily as they walked towards the car.

_Everything was going to be okay_.

* * *

Damon had finally built up the courage to go and see Bonnie. He hadn't seen her or his brother in 3 days, since the…_incident_, but today, that was all going to change. He would grovel, tell her how much he loved her and swear to never see Elena again if it would make her happy. He would do anything, just as long as she didn't leave him. Steeling his nerves once again, he walked up the short path to her front door. It was eerily silent and, if he had been paying close attention, Damon would have noticed the absence of Bonnie's heartbeat. But he didn't. He knocked twice, waiting with his hands stuffed firmly in his pockets. When he received no response after 2 minutes, he knocked again.

Further silence.

Twisting the knob on the door, he felt the lock snap as he applied enough pressure, and the door swung open. He entered the house.

"Bonnie?" No reply. He called out to her again, receiving the same response. Something was wrong. The house was cold, and seemed emptier than it had been the last time he had been there. There was a distinct lack of warmth or Bonnie's scent and her heartbeat did not resound in his ears, no matter how much he strained to hear the sound.

Turning the corner into the kitchen, Damon's eyes immediately fell to the crisp white sheet of paper on the countertop. Moving towards it, he picked it up and began to read, feeling his heart slow with every word.

**_Dear Dad, _**

**_I know that this may seem sudden and you may not understand why, but I've decided that I need to get away from Mystic Falls. I know that you'll be worried about me, but know that I am safe; the whole gang has decided to make the move with me, and you know that Caroline would die before she let me get hurt._**

**_Please know how much I love you and I will miss you so much. I will call you with my new number once we're all settled in our new home. I have a few more things to tell you, but you deserve to hear them from me, not written in a note._**

**_Also, daddy, please don't tell Damon or Elena about this. I know that won't make much sense but I just need you to trust me when I tell you that those two cannot know my whereabouts._**

**_I love you so much._**

**_Talk to you real soon, _**

**_Your Bonnie-bear_**

Dropping the piece of paper like it had burned him, Damon stumbled, leaning heavily against the wall to support himself. Not only did she hate him, she was gone and he would never see her again.

_Damon felt what was left of his heart crack and crumble into tiny pieces._


End file.
